Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Paul's Pale Ale

Saturday Paul bottled his very-first-batch-made-from-scratch beer where he got to play with all his new toys:  the gigantic stainless steel pot his kids gave him, the gas burner (a birthday present from me), his new copper cooling coil, and today some special spring loaded attachment to help him fill the beer bottles.  His excitement is contagious I must say.  I get to make the next batch of beer but I'm not sure what I'll make.  I prefer stouts and Paul does not.  I'll have to think of something we both can drink since one recipe makes over 60 bottles, and I usually have 4 or 5 bottles of beer a year!  Maybe an amber?  Hmm...


There it is!  A carboy full of beer!  
Paul added hops to soak in the brew for a week (called dry hopping). 

The floating tube measure specific gravity.  
Used to figure the alcohol content in the beer.

Draining the carboy.  
Paul uses the white bucket for bottling (see the spigot?).

Paul is very patient with me.  I keep asking him to stop, turn, and smile.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Lunch with Mom

I love German food.  Maybe it's in the genes since I am half German.  Not long after we moved here my dad discovered a German restaurant in Tacoma.  I think it was the Bavarian, Chalet, something like that.  Anyway it was on 6th Avenue kitty corner from Mary Bridge Children's Hospital.  When they closed their doors, well it was a very sad day at the Grow house.  I don't think I've had Sauerbraten since.  

So when the TNT ran a story about Bruno's European Cafe Mom and I decided to give the place a try.  Long and short of it, the service was horrible, but I loved my food.  Our server was a lovely older woman with an adorable accent (German I presume) who forgot to put my mom's order in, mixed up on delivering the orders for the four tables in her section, and didn't charge for a couple items on our check (don't worry -- we had her fix the error). 

Come on!  How good does this look?!!

The food was delicious.  Or at least mine was.  I ordered a 1/2 order of Bruno's Special, Jagerschnitzel or breaded pork cutlet.  It came with pureed (their term) potatoes (mashed potatoes) and gravy, cucumber salad, a cup of soup (I chose the Goulash), roll and butter.  So good!  My mom wasn't as impressed with the Kielbasa she ordered.  She said she didn't care for the way it was prepared.  She liked the side dishes, German potato salad, sauerkraut, and her soup choice was the Hangover Soup (a cheesy soup with veggies and pickles of all things!)

The prices for lunch were very reasonable I thought.  My meal cost less than $9.00, and my mom's was less than $8.00.  Mom wasn't too sure if she'd go again, but I sure wouldn't mind!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Two down...eight to go!


Last night I met with a bunch of friends to cross number two off my list of things to do before I turn 50.  


We met at Barb's at Westgate for karaoke, and it was a hoot. 


 I have to admit I was a little nervous, but when my name was called I got on my
 feet and walked to the microphone before I could talk myself out of it, and then I sang.  


It was fun, I'm glad I did it, and I'm probably never going to do it again! 


After my "performance" was done we spent the rest of the night dancing,
 singing along with the other performers, talking and laughing -- it was fabulous!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Our new hobby


We are now the proud owners of birdhouses.  We put them on the deck 
where they could stay until we figured out how to mount them.  


But when the birds started fussing around our deck we knew we had to get moving.  


Luckily we were given permission to take the poles too, and soon Paul was putting up the birdhouses.




The next morning I could hear a lot of chirping, and sure enough the birds were fighting over who got what house.


They seemed to have settled in quite nicely.  



But I think they wish there was some kind of heating. 


 This morning I told Paul we're as bad as newborn's parents who take the same shot over and over again, never tiring of looking at their child.  I have to admit their antics every morning put a smile on my face.  I'm thinking about putting up a bird feeder, but one thing at a time -- for now I'll just enjoy the birds.  

Remembering Bob and Charlene

Bob and Charlene were our next door neighbors.  Bob was a retired police officer, and he had three passions:  gardening, wildlife, and making sure the hooligans weren't destroying our neighborhood.  Unfortunately any kid under the age of 21 was a hooligan so we had many interesting (and sometimes heated) conversations about my son who was, unfortunately, was going through the long hair, torn clothes, loud music stage of childhood (aka the teenage years), and was on Bob's constant radar.  Still we managed to get along pretty well.  For some reason we liked each other -- maybe because we're both on the cranky side, who knows.  He suffered from Lupus, and had good and bad days.  As the years went by we saw him outside less and less, and his beautiful backyard garden slowly diminished.  When he finally grew so weak that Charlene could no longer care for him he was placed in a nursing home where he drove everyone crazy with his constant demands to be taken home.  He died a few weeks later.

Charlene was very active -- still working, and very busy with her circle of friends.  We didn't visit much, but she was always pleasant with a big smile on her face.  Then Charlene got some shocking news.  The cough she couldn't get rid of turned out to be lung cancer, and she started treatment right away.  Not even a month before Bob was taken to the nursing home she found out her cancer was incurable, and that if she continued with treatment she might get another year, and without it only a few more months.  She decided she'd rather have a few good months, than a year suffering the side effects of chemotherapy.  Charlene passed away in January.

Neither Bob or Charlene wanted a funeral or a memorial service, and their wishes were respected.  Recently their house was cleaned up, organized, and categorized for an estate sale.  Our little street was filled with cars driven by people we didn't know, and we watched them through our living room window, hating the idea of these strangers handing Bob and Charlene's things.  We both agreed we wouldn't be attending the sale.  But when I went to the kitchen and looked out the window into Bob's garden I saw the birdhouses that he made years ago.  I grabbed my coat, and told Paul I had to have those birdhouses.  I wanted something to remember them by.

It'll be weird this spring not to see Bob shuffling around in his garden, calling me over to tell me a story for the tenth time, or Charlene in her car waving as she passes by.  I'm going to miss them.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Paul gets a hobby

I've been trying to convince Paul he needed a hobby for years now.  Actually I've been trying to convince Paul for years that vacuuming was not a hobby.  First he tried gardening.  Then it was baking.  Next he tried woodworking.  I was pretty sure we found a winner when he tried photography, but nope nothing ever came of any of them.

What to do, what to do...?  If only there was a hobby based on an activity that Paul loves.  Hmm...We've already established Paul's love on vacuuming, and I sure hope there's no hobby associated with that.  Paul loves to putter, um, no hobby there.  What does Paul love to do?  Oh, yeah!  Paul loves beer.  And guess what?  Paul has always wanted to make beer!  There you go!


So his kids bought him a pot big enough to cook his wort.  Some kind, generous, thoughtful person (ahem) bought him a propane burner for his birthday, and Paul cashed in some Home Depot gift cards to cover the cost of a propane tank, and quick as wink, Bob's your uncle and Paul is making beer.


The first couple of batches he'll be using a prepackaged IPA mix just to get a hang of all the steps.  Once he's comfortable with all that he'll get into the fun stuff like buying grains and hops, and making his own wort, etc., etc., etc.

Anyway, Paul mixed up the batch today, and hopefully in two weeks he'll be bottling!  I'll keep you posted.

Thursdays with Heather: Asian Art Museum

Last Thursday Heather and I went to the Picasso Show at Seattle Art Museum.  An added bonus is free entry to the Asian Art Museum if we went within a week (showing them our ticket of course).  So, guess we did?  

If you haven't been to the Asian Art Museum you really are missing a treat.  Not only is there some fascinating art that dates back centuries -- CENTURIES!!! -- but it sits in the lovely Volunteer Park.  You could spend a whole day roaming the grounds, enjoying the grounds, the reservoir, the water tower, and the conservatory.  

Both Heather and I are interested in photography, and we're thinking about having a photo shoot one Thursday a month.  Volunteer Park will definitely be on our list.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Zoom-In Tacoma

I was invited to participate in a fun project called Zoom-In Tacoma.  It was connected with the Postcard Project in that the artists who made a postcard were also invited to participate.  The featured photographers were:  Peter Serko, Sharon Styer, Theresa Tavernero, Elayne Vogel, Jim Robbins, Becky Frehse, Paganucci Design, Mick Klass, Duncan James Livingston, Steve Russell, John Carlton, Dan Hill, Rick Semple, Tom Holts, Lance Kagey, and myself.
Kevin and Celeste in front of my photos.

The Artists' Reception was held Thursday at Mavi Gallery, and there were lots of people milling about.  I had a lot of fun meeting up with friends I hadn't seen for a while, and enjoying everyone's work.  If you get some time, stop by and check out the show.  Mavi Gallery is also showing some great work by William Quinn, William Turner, and Christopher Mathey.

Elayne and Claudia enjoying the show

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A new blog!

I know.  I thought the same thing -- another blog?  I can't even keep my first blog updated on a regular basis.  But then I started noticing things, like how most of my posts were about cooking, and most of the blogs I read are about cooking, and I thought why not?  I'll start my own cooking blog.  And so I have.  It's called Cooks from Books.  I've copied the first two posts of this year, but starting tomorrow I'll have a brand new post.  Check it out, and tell me what you think.

50 in 50, Day 1

Last night marked the beginning of my quest to cook 50 new recipes in 50 days, and I made Fresh Bean Stew with Corn and Acorn Squash. I had to substitute a few items (canned black-eyed peas for dry, and flat leaf parsley for the cilantro) but I don't think it hurt the dish too much. The stew was tasty, and had a nice smoky base from the chili powder, and a bit of a kick from the cayenne. My only complaint (and a very picky one at that) was the dish wasn't very...pretty. The corn and flecks of parsley added a bit of contrast to the brown stew, but I was hoping for a bit of color from the acorn squash. I know you're thinking what is she talking about? The stew looks fine. Which is what Paul said so I'll let the matter go, and not bring up that I used a flash which lightened things up, etc. Speaking of Paul, I will definitely try this again since he really liked it.

Fresh Bean Stew with Corn and Acorn Squash
The Complete Vegan Cookbook
Yield: 4 main-dish servings

2 cups shelled fresh cranberry beans or black-eyed beans
2 cups peeled and diced acorn squash
4 cups vegetable stock
1 tbsp chili powder
1 1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tbsp olive oil
1 large which onion, diced
1/2 cup dry red wine
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 1/2 cups fresh or frozen kernels (see note)
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

In a stockpot combine the beans with the acorn squash, stock, chili powder, oregano, and thyme. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce the heat to low, and simmer for 20 minutes.
Meanwhile heat the oil in a small skillet and saute the onion over medium heat until nicely browned, about 10 minutes, then stir into the beans. At the end of the 20 minutes simmering time, add the wine, garlic, salt, cayenne, and 3/4 cup of the corn kernels. Return to a simmer and cook 20 minutes.
Place the remaining 3/4 cup corn kernels in the blender with the cilantro and 1/3 cup of water. Puree the mixture, then add to the beans and cook an additional 15 minutes, until the beans are tender and the liquid has reduced to a thick consistency. Serve hot.

Note: If using frozen corn kernels, place them in a colander and rinse briefly under warm water to melt off any ice crystals before adding them to the dish. If using fresh corn you will need about three medium ears to yield the 1 1/2 cups of kernels.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

50 Days, 50 Recipes.

I love cookbooks. I love to curl up on my recliner all cozy in a blanket pouring over the recipes like they're pages of a romance book. I drool over the photos, and imagine how everything must taste. Every once in a while I take a spin at cooking the recipe.

It's also fun for me to scroll through Amazon's cookbook section and add titles that interest me to my wishlist. If I'm a good girl then Santa, I mean Paul, gives some to me for Christmas. And I must have been a very, very good girl because for Christmas I received A Great American Cook (Jonathan Waxman), The Greens Cookbook (Madison Brown), The Complete Vegan Cookbook (Geiskope-Hadler & Toomay), Heathy Cooking for Two (Frances Price), The Best Soups in the World (Clifford A. Wright), The New Whole Grains Cookbook (Robin Asbell), and I've been pouring over them for the last three weeks.

Today I sat down and wrote a list of all the recipes I want to try. I came up with 50, and decided to challenge myself to try one recipe a day. I already know what's cooking tonight: Fresh Bean Stew with Corn and Acorn Squash.

I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Cut it off, Missy!

A couple months ago I posted a list of things I want to do before I turn 50. Well, today I get to cross an item off the list -- I had my hair cut super short!

Anna had the honor of cutting off my ragged mane of hair. I sent her pictures of what I was looking for, but other than that it was up to her to create a style for me. She said it was the most fun she's had in a while.
Along with my new hairstyle (which I love!) I also inherited a container of moulding gesso, and sea salt primer. Anna made it look easy, but I'm a little nervous on how to apply these products to my hair!

So, Item 1 accomplished -- karaoke next? Who is with me?


Friday, October 29, 2010

Wake Up and Smell the Bread Baking

Earlier this year I bought a book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day but yet to use it. The book calls for some special equipment (like a 6 quart food safe storage container with lid, a pizza peel, baking stone) that I would have to buy. Anyway, yesterday I decided I'd just use what I had. My huge Pyrex bowl has always worked well for rising, and I could use my perforated pizza pan to bake the bread.
The dough was a breeze to make, and after plopping it into the bowl to rise I set off to meet Heather and Rachel for some drinks, which turned into dinner, and so five hours later I came home to put the dough in the refrigerator for me to deal with the next day.
I woke early this morning, and it was chilly! I figured I'd bake the bread, and help warm up the house so I took the dough from the fridge, shaped it, and let it sit for 40 minutes to warm up. 450 degrees, a little water bath for the baking, and voila! 20 minutes later I had some delicious bread for my breakfast.
Today I'm off to buy some rye flour so I can try another recipe. I love this book!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...


It's quite blustery and wet outside -- a perfect day to make soup! Tonight we shall laugh at the rain while feasting on black bean soup and buttermilk wheat bread.

I love black bean soup but it can be a bit bland. I was happy to find this spicier version on allrecipes.com (click on link for recipe). I made a few adjustments to the recipe by dicing four carrots instead of two. I also added a stalk of celery (diced of course), an additional clove of garlic, and half a teaspoon of coriander. I cooked black beans instead of using canned. It does take time but it's so easy: just soak the beans in cold water (eight hours minimum or overnight), drain and rinse, add 6 cups fresh water, bring to boil, and then simmer until tender (between one to two hours). I prefer chunky soups with broth rather than a thicker pureed base so I skipped that step. Add a dollop of Greek yogurt, and yum!

Making bread is a breeze with my KitchenAid mixer, and the dough hook is my favorite attachment. The only problem is I make a loaf, serve it at dinner, and it disappears! I think I'll try a little psychology tonight, and bake the bread in mini loaf pans. We'll see how it goes. Tonight I'm making wheat bread from a recipe I found on cuisinart.com (click on link for recipe). I don't usually have bread flour on hand so I use all purpose flour. It works just fine!


Monday, September 20, 2010

Lunch Date with Paul

Poor Paul worked all weekend from home. He stayed home today to finish some reports, and I've been on my best behavior not to distract him (which is really hard since it's a rare treat to have him to myself all day). I managed to sneak into the kitchen to make him a nice lunch -- grilled tuna and cheese with tomato soup.


I'm going to have to tweak the recipe a bit I think, but my first try was pretty good. The original recipe had a convoluted sequence where you move the half of the soup to the blender, add some oil, and puree, transfer to a bowl, blah,blah,blah (you'll see what I mean in the directions below). I just used all the oil at once to saute the onions/garlic, and used an immersion blender to puree the soup, and then added the stock (I only needed one cup). I think next time I'll use less onion and garlic, and try vegetable stock instead of the chicken.

Paul gobbled it right up, and said it really hit the spot. I'm glad he liked it since we're having the soup again tonight with the leftover vegetable frittata!

Tomato Soup
(from startcooking.com which they adapted from Cook's Illustrated)

4 tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion (about 1 cup) chopped
2 cloves of garlic (about 2 tsp) minced or crushed
1 bay leaf
2 28 oz cans of whole tomatoes packed in juice
1 tbsp brown sugar
3 slices of large sandwich bread (crusts removed and cut into 1 inch pieces)
2 cups chicken stock

Heat 2 tbsp oil in large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat until it's shimmering.
Add the onion, garlic, and bay leaf.
Cook, stirring frequently, until the onion is translucent, about 3 to 5 minutes.
Stir in the tomatoes and their juice. Using potato masher, mash until no pieces bigger than 2 inches remain.
Stir in sugar and bread; bring soup to boil.
Reduce the heat to medium and cook, stirring occasionally, until the bread is completely saturated and starts to break down, about 5 minutes.
Remove and discard bay leaf.
Transfer half of soup to blender.
Add 1 tbsp oil and process until soup is smooth and creamy, 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer to large bowl and repeat with remaining soup and oil.
Rinse out the pot you cooked with soup in and return the soup to the pot.
Stir in up to 2 cups of chicken (or vegetable) broth until soup reaches desired thickness.
Return soup to boil and season to taste with salt and pepper.
Optional garnishes include chopped parsley, fresh chopped basil or croutons.



Sunday, September 19, 2010

Best use of leftovers ever!

I've been in a bit of a cooking slump. We're on a tight budget lately so I've been making dinners with ingredients I already have on hand, rather than finding recipes I'd like to try, and then buying what I need. Poor Paul and Kevin have been dining on lentil soup, vegetable soup, salad, and bean/cheese tortillas for a week now.

Friday I roasted some cauliflower in the oven with garlic and Parmesan cheese. Which I served with some pan roasted zucchini, and a tomato salad with a buttermilk/blue cheese dressing. It was good, but I had about the equivalent of a small zucchini and 1/4 of a head of cauliflower leftover. I was surfing the Internet today trying to come up with an idea to use the leftovers that did NOT involve soup (I think the boys have had enough), and I came across a vegetable frittata from Emeril Lagasse on foodnetwork.com. Now I've never had a frittata. It always looked so dry, and I hate dry eggs. I also had none of the veggies that Emeril called for, but I did have my leftover veggies, and lots of eggs, so what the heck -- I gave it a shot.

Paul and I ate half the frittata before we remembered to save some for Kevin. I served it with an arugula salad with pan roasted red pepper (I used some of the pepper in the frittata), and a lemon/olive oil dressing. Really good stuff! I think I found us a new favorite!

Vegetable Frittata
adapted from Emeril Lagasse, foodnetwork.com

Ingredients:
6 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup grated Parmesan
1 tbsp butter
1/4 of a small red onion thinly sliced
leftover grilled veggies thinly sliced, or cut into small pieces. Approx.: 1 small zucchini, 1/4 head cauliflower, 1/2 red bell pepper

Directions:
In a mixing bowl whisk together the eggs, salt and pepper, and add 1/4 cup cheese. Set aside.

In a large non-stick broiler proof skillet (I used my cast iron skillet) melt the butter over medium heat. Add the onions and saute about 4 minutes. Add the grilled veggies and cook about two minutes to coat with butter, and warm. Add the egg mixture. Cover, reduce the heat to low and cook until the eggs are almost set, about 10 to 15 minutes.

Preheat the broiler.

Sprinkle the set frittata with the remaining Parmesan. Place the frittata under the broiler and cook until the top is set and starts to brown, about 2 to 3 minutes. Place a large serving plate over the pan, and carefully invert to turn out the frittata to serve.

Serves 4

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Before I Grow (too) Old

A friend of mine is working on a list of 36 things to do before she turns 37, and it got me thinking -- I should come up with a list of my own. Now next year I'll turn 50, and while I'm not as ambitious as my friend I did come up with a list of ten things. My own "bucket list" is filled with things that I've always wanted to do but stopped myself from trying because I didn't have time, I couldn't afford it, I didn't think it would look good, I'd make a fool of myself, etc., etc. Well now is as good of a time as any to stop with the excuses so without any further ado (and in no particular order) I give you:

Ann's top ten things to do before turning 50:

1. Cut my hair super short
2. Sing at a Karaoke bar
3. Take piano lessons
4. Learn how to brew beer
5. Visit Sedona and the painted desert (specifically the Palatki Cliff Dwellings)
6. Take a sculpture class
7. Ride the train to San Francisco
8. Learn a foreign language
9. Take Paul to the Redwood Forest
10. Mosaic three pieces with only white tile

And the clocks starts...now!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Here comes the tomatoes!

Every morning I water the garden and scan the tomato plants. We've got a bonanza of flowers, and the fruit is coming in slowly.

This morning I was thrilled to spot a flash of red deep inside one of the plants (specifically on our heirloom Surpice). Now I don't put my hand inside of any of the plants -- it's too risky. I might come in contact with a spider, or (god forbid) a slug.

Luckily Paul has no qualms about it, and soon we discovered that we're the proud parents of not one, not two, but three tomatoes!

Can't wait for the rest of them to arrive!.

Monday, July 26, 2010

What to do with zucchini?


"TWO?!" That was my mom's response when I told her I had planted zucchini in our garden. "You planted TWO PLANTS?! You're gonna have a lot of zucchini."

Sure, how many zucchinis can one plant produce? Well three were ready now, there are about eight of various size, and five or six more flowers. I was too afraid to check the other plant.

I let the first zucchinis grow a little large since I was planning on baking with them. The biggest of the three was about 9" around and 12" long. Oh, it was a beaut! It produced over four cups of grated zucchini which was enough for four mini loaves of zucchini/blueberry bread, and two batches of zucchini muffins (one chocolate-chocolate chip, and one chocolate chip). I made two batches of zucchini bread from the smallest of the three, and I'm looking for some more recipes to try with the last one.

There's a lot of oil and sugar used when baking with zucchini so I decided to experiment with using no sugar applesauce in lieu of vegetable oil, flax meal to substitute for eggs, and Splenda in place of the sugar. Right away let me say forget about using Splenda. It's fine for my morning cup of coffee, but does not work with baking. The applesauce was a great substitute for the breads, but made the cupcakes very sticky and dense. Oh, and the flax meal substitute didn't work so well either. Oh, well! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

I'm listing the two zucchini bread recipes. The cupcake recipes I tried were...well they were interesting. The first zucchini bread is a family favorite, and it was given to us by my mom's friend, Minnie Braaten.

Minnie's Zucchini Bread

2 cups sugar
1 cup oil
3 eggs
1-1/2 tsp vanilla
2 cups shredded zucchini
3 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp ground cloves
1 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat the over to 325F.

In medium bowl sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and spices. In a large bowl add eggs, oil, sugar, and vanilla and beat well. Fold in zucchini. Add flour mixture in batches, and beat until just combined. Stir in walnuts. Pour into greased loaf pans, and cook 70 minutes if using full size loaf pan, or 50 minutes if using mini loaf pans, or until knife inserted into center of loaf comes out clean. Cool on racks for 20 minutes before removing from pan. Cool completely before slicing.

Blueberry Zucchini Bread (courtesy of Laura via allrecipes.com)

3 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup vegetable oil
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
2-1/4 cups white sugar
2 cups shredded zucchini
3 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 pint fresh blueberries

Preheat over to 350F degrees. Lightly grease four mini loaf pans.

In a large bowl beat together the eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar. Fold in the zucchini. Beat in the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. Gently fold in the blueberries. Transfer to the prepared mini loaf pans. Bake 50 minutes in the preheated over, or until a knife inserved in the center of a loaf comes out clean. Cool 20 minutes in pans, then turn out onto wire racks to cool completely.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sometimes it just hits you...

We're sitting on the back deck trying my latest cooking experiment, and I look at my husband to say something, and it just hits me like a ton of bricks how much I love this guy!

I love his profile.

I love his receding hairline.

I love the crinkles around his eyes when he laughs.

I love his gentle, soothing voice.

I love the way he sighs when he hugs me after a long day at work, and I can feel him relax in my arms. I love that he is a kind, patient, and good man. All this I know, and I am grateful for each day, but sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks. Just saying.