We have a spare room that's supposed to be our office/craft room. Over the years it's become our room to dump things we'll deal with "later". Every so often I pick up a pile of papers, photos, old bills or newspapers to sort through and as chance would have it I found some photos from Kevin's first birthday. Look at that face!!
Friday will be Kevin's 22nd birthday. Looking at the pictures makes me smile and cry at the same time. I miss holding my baby. The smell of his hair. The way his head fit just so in the crook of my neck as he slept. The way his face would light up when he saw me. They are the images I replayed during the times when his face didn't light up when he saw me, when I yelled at him to take a shower and wash his hair, and he was too big for me to hold, aka "the teenage years".
There are times when I wish I could go back and try again. I'd handle some things differently, I'd speak more kindly, be more understanding, listen better, and just plain slow down. I'd worry less about the mess, or whether or not things were being done "right".
Then there are times I would never change like how Kevin couldn't leave the house without a good-bye and I love you. He couldn't go to bed without a goodnight kiss and a hug. I tried to remember to greet him with a smile, and to tell him how proud I was to be his mom.
Now he's all grown with a job, a girlfriend, and a place of his own. Of course that won't stop me from calling him at 7:25 a.m. on Friday to tell him the Smurf story for the 22nd time.